jueves, marzo 18, 2010

30-day Sadhana with Marianne - Finding your sankalpa

As I said yesterday, the sadhana is starting on Sunday and I have up until then to wrap my head around it and find my sankalpa.

I've been trying to get down to it, to find a quiet place in me to figure it out. And although my whole body and mind are practically screaming what my sankalpa should be, I want to really quiet down everything around me and let it flow. The only thing this proves is how much work I have ahead of me. But oh! am I willing to take it on! My whole being is begging for it.

I don't know how to explain it. I watch people around me and all I can see is their movement. But it is not that I'm trying to calm down from the raging movement around me as if I was stressed, no. I see their movement and although it may look raging living in a big city and ll, what it feels to me is plain wrong. They move, but for all the wrong reasons, in the wrong direction, with the wrong intention. It's as if they were out of beat. So what I want is to calm down my own internal wrong raging movement and make it right. Learn how to move with the flow, with the beat that lies underneath all this artificial and fake façade. I want to be able to breathe and move freely, without the constraints I feel now. I want to feel free.

So I try and sit down, picture myself on a beach of white sand. I know it's a beach because I can hear the waves, although I cannot see the ocean. I feel the warm breeze against my skin, the sun warming up my hair. I'm comfortable and the air smells of nature, salt and summer. Now I can see someone coming towards me in the horizon, hazy, like an illusion. Little by little, the edges of their shape becomes clearer and I can see it's a girl, a woman, walking slowly. She's confident and some kind of peace beams out of her, like in waves. When she finally reaches the space where I'm sitting down, I realize it is me. She leans forward, makes a cup with her hand and whispers something in my ear. "Balance, love", she tells me. That is my sankalpa.

Thank you, calmer, better part of me. You smell nice.

Today's song is Unwritten, by Natasha Bedingfield.

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