Today was a little weird. I read about shame and your body and yoga on Marianne's blog yesterday. I've never felt shame in yoga class, at least not about my body. I never thought it was a problem if I couldn't do a pose. If anything, I considered it a challenge. I know what my body can and can't do and I love it enough not to force it beyond its capacities. But I also know that if you give me enough time, I'll get there.
I say I've never felt ashamed, but I have felt clumsy and frustrated, which is just as bad. And most of the times is only us who make us feel that way. Nobody is judging us as hardly as we ourselves do. And we need to let that go, we need to be kinder to ourselves, we need to learn to love ourselves for what we are. We are perfect in our own unique way and there are plenty of things we can feel proud about.
Anyways. Today I had an audience, so to speak. J. was here at the time I usually practice, so he was in the room when I was on the mat. Admittedly, it felt weird. When you're in yoga class is different because everybody is minding their own business and they're doing the same thing you're doing anyway.
So yeah, it felt weird and I can't say I liked it. It was like an invasion of my space and my time. But I did it anyway. I couldn't concentrate as much or as well, and I more or less raced through the whole thing.
On the other hand, in a way it forced me to pay more attention to what or how I was doing it. Not to show off. Or maybe just because of that. I'll have to think about this one.
PS. First week of sadhana... check.
Today's song is I'm so excited, by Le Tigre.
I say I've never felt ashamed, but I have felt clumsy and frustrated, which is just as bad. And most of the times is only us who make us feel that way. Nobody is judging us as hardly as we ourselves do. And we need to let that go, we need to be kinder to ourselves, we need to learn to love ourselves for what we are. We are perfect in our own unique way and there are plenty of things we can feel proud about.
Anyways. Today I had an audience, so to speak. J. was here at the time I usually practice, so he was in the room when I was on the mat. Admittedly, it felt weird. When you're in yoga class is different because everybody is minding their own business and they're doing the same thing you're doing anyway.
So yeah, it felt weird and I can't say I liked it. It was like an invasion of my space and my time. But I did it anyway. I couldn't concentrate as much or as well, and I more or less raced through the whole thing.
On the other hand, in a way it forced me to pay more attention to what or how I was doing it. Not to show off. Or maybe just because of that. I'll have to think about this one.
PS. First week of sadhana... check.
Today's song is I'm so excited, by Le Tigre.
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